My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
