remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we made out on top of his cat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
