I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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