Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
