So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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