I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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