its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Too much gin, very little bucket
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
