Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
