I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
