so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
