i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
