Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
