Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
