WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
