you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
