I am puke
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
