I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
