ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
