She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
