i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
