Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
