He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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