My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
