I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
