I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
