You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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