did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
