bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
