So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
