I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
