I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
