"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
