i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
