TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
