If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
