Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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