toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
