elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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