am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
