Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
