look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
