I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
