you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
