I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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