I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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