I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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