Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
