i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
