I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
