he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
