i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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