just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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