guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
