Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
