I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
